I was sick and now I’m better. I could have been filled with doubt on even that point except luckily, in the middle of the night I lay in bed with a fever. In the morning I woke up cool and just a tiny bit achy. I still moved through my days doing all the normal tasks, crossing things off the list, except I was trapped in the grey and grimy world of Crime and Punishment  (my personal version of THE WORST). In my darker moments I wondered if Halloween was such a good idea. Having the whole town out, way past bedtime reaching into the same grubby candy bowls seemed like such a good idea at the time. Halloween is about conquering our deepest fears, is it not? And what is truly scarier than a virus that can somehow worm its way into our bodies and change our soul.  It is a trick to think we have control over this world, that  by our good deeds we are somehow entitled to be free of misery. A simple hormone imbalance and we feel lonely in a sea of friends. Our bodies are so complicated, it is a miracle that we work at all.  I have been sick often enough to have learned to hear the voice that tells me quietly, “Wait. It will pass.” And just like that, this morning the sunrise was a deep orange. The ache is gone and so is the grey. I just got another reminder to not be judgmental.

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